the update

hi there, anybody out there....
i've given up internet writing for the most part because it leaves a trail, which gets used against me by insecure overly-interpretive well-wishers...hahah
plus i've been busy doing other, less-solitary things....hey. you've seen those prison flicks: somebody drops the soap and it's all downhill from there.....
what? you havent??
get your ass outta here and come back when you've seen a respectable amount of internet porn.
for extra credit, you may define the following verbs: snowball, felch, shrimp....and tell me how you toss a salad

the prisoner's Prism

well, since i do so love you, my imaginary friends, allow me to educate, enlighten and otherwise impart to you the orbiting tidbits of knowledge from inner galaxies which beg to be thus propagated....there are so many different stars, so many little subjective planets whose inhabitants i choose from....to begin, i hope to pick for you some choice and juicy fruits from the tree of history(just to keep the metaphorical mind a-mixin').....still, which history? there are so many to choose from....should i begin with the microcosm of biography and work my way up, or perhaps the opposite approach may catch your fancy....in fact, as with all things in life, the aforementioned must always be intertwined in the telling. paradox is present in all things; white-light-rainbows revealed by the well-turned prism..... thus is history always both a living thing and an unwitting sketch of the particular historian who tells it. historical facts are shades of humanity: those long-ago participants in the event, the witnesses who first told the tale and down thru the sieves of social time and mind to you, the current custodian....historical documents are but footprints; a hint of the beast itself unquestionable in substance yet potentially subject to a mind-bending array of personal and popular interpretations concerning context..... ah but i digress.....perhaps that is my favorite writerly skill. certainly the one at which i'm the most practiced. would you like it if i told you a little Victorian History? perhaps that is what i shall do when next i return.....until then, it's been lovely to chat with you, oh invisible ones.....

as you may have noticed by now, oh imaginary readers, there seem to be more rabbits hopping around this blog than your average, everyday, uh....running internet rant.
good for you! a gold star for observation!! (got sarcasm?)
actually, you could probably label me a Lagomorph Afficionado.....we all know what lagomorphs are, DONT WE?
no? Lagomorph: critter-family comprised of rabbits, hares, and pikas. not rodents, these animals DO have ever-growing teeth, but the teeth are coated in pearly-white enamel, just like ours(well, those of us who brush). if you've ever gotten up close and personal with a mouse, rat, or gerbil, you've probably noticed their yellow dentition; they lack enamel. plus, rats have those funky little hairless feet/ears/nose/tail....not bunnies....they got a full-fur jacket, including nose and foot-pads. plus that funny little tail, officially known as a SCUT.
oh, and pikas are those funky little critters also known as coneys(like the island, yep). seen Poke-mon? well, pika-chu, without the tail.....they're hamster-sized, but way cooler, of course.....there you go, now you can go write your doctoral dissertation!
where were we? oh, yes....i wanted to give you a little background....i have quite the collection of pet-rabbit pics, but there's not much challenge in that.....i can take as many pics as i want of em, all sacked out and snoring lightly atop my bed, any day of the week.
but, living with rabbits gives one an "eye" for rabbits, i think....their forte in nature being "to hide in plain sight", folks can pass a large number of rabbits every day in their travels without ever seeing a one.
this means that when i'm standing there, chuckling at a rabbit right in front of me, other people kinda keep their distance, cause they think i'm nuts. yknow, like Harvey--only shorter, browner, and WAY way pissier. and as soon as i try to point them out, generally, the little dissidents bounce off under a bush to snicker.
so i went out last night, armed with a camera, mind set firmly upon one purpose: documentation. with several baby-free hours(such a rarity) to spare, i made my way over to Burncoat Street, where i've been overtly surveilling(aka "stalking") the local bunny population for several years--yeah, i know each rabbits' habits.
first, i waited. that was cause the sun was still up(blah, daylight). took a couple artsy-fartsy sunset pics to kill time, psyched myself up.....saw somebody i know pass by out the corner of my eye, pretended not to have.....went over the mental game-plan.....then....ACTION TIME.
i ran around the campus of QCC like some freak on angel dust, tiptoeing alongside walls, flushing hedge-rows, running zigzags and circles thru the parking lot, and crouching on my belly, camera poised and flashing amidst darkened fields....also, spent a little too long staring at private dwellings thru peoples' bushes etc, camera in hand....what a weirdo! i know i pissed off at least three cottontails, possibly four, all from the Burncoat Street area....thump!
and i came back with a decent show of pictures, so i can finally say, once and for all, that i really DO see rabbits everywhere i go.
you of cyberspace who have beheld me, i thank you from the bottom of my heart....all my love,

loneliness and the insomniac

well, now, aren't you glad to have me back, folks?? yeah, all NONE of ya! hah! i actually get a lot of action over on myspace, not that i'm bragging or anything(did i mention i'm an internet predator between writing sprees? yep, that's right, babycakes.....you don't even wanna know, trust me...)
actually, speaking of myspace....being a fan and avid user of The WRitten Word, i'm always glad to find a "blog" on somebody's myspace profile.....so, i click on the little linkie thingie, right? and BOOM....i'm faced with something that looks like this:
"this is my crappy excuse 4 a blog. it is two sentenses long and your the asshole cuz you actually thought i might have something 2 say." and probably a hundred people read the damn thing. seriously, you'll see something like "i'm sad and i ran out of booze" posted up there with seven replies on some profiles.....meanwhile, i'm begging folks "i KNOW somebody's been reading this....come on, fess up!" nothin--but still, they read.....i think i know why, too...
it's the sex. no lie, kiddies, sex sells. philosophically-diverse ramblings upon the existential-experiential Aloneness of Humanity; eh, not so much....see, if i were really astute, i could use "sex" subject-matter to get to the heart of the issue and cross the gulf which isolates us solitary-yet-several Islands of Man.....but would i be THAT subversive?? hah! guess it helps that i'm a sick and twisted human being and i can't but get freudian on ANY subject, be it history or higher math....gotta love sex, folks.....hey, i can say whatever the hell i want! shit, boys, i'm taken....married and the Commited Shmuck type.....i've done all sorts of weird and off-the-wall shit since tying the Knot, but cheatin aint among em....too much work....i've been accused of it plenty, though.....wanna know what really blows??
well, tough shit, if you don't. i'm smart, i like to talk, i'm charming(batting eyelashes), trustworthy, and genuinely curious about my "fellow man"....but for whatever reason, i tend to befriend males. maybe there's some deep roots back in my early childhood....who the hell knows.....it is the way it is.....all my friends are proud owners of their own handy-dandy penises.
i don't have that particular appendage, you see, which of course can "only mean one thing"....time for a little social-shunning, ladies and gents. monica is not a person you can be seen with and not get hit with a rocky mudball.....
now, i personally don't much care for the feelings of a bunch of PMS-addled uptight henpeckers and their repressed-agression-style manifestations of internal insecurities. however, these naysayers chase off far too many otherwise-personable young(well, maybe not exactly young, eh hem) people of the human persuasion.....(tee hee)especially because i tend to make friends with professors. do you KNOW the kinda WRONG shit that i've been put thru NOT by the male professors themselves but by these BUSYBODIES who have no right to interfere? it upsets me to the point of....of....damn, well, i'm not sleeping now, am i? yeah the list of excuses grows. but you wanna know who loses when gossip flies about a professor and a younger female student? obviously neither prof nor student end up winning, per se.....our boy gets embarassed, possibly slapped by the wife at home for imagined wrongdoings....cuts our girl off. meanwhile, here's what i'm dealin with: janitorial staff openly making sexual comments about me in the presence of "prof x" like i'm furniture, referring to me ALWAYS as "x's girlfriend". in fact, that's my name at this point to the auxiliary staff at the school i still must attend. the females treat me like a hussy; like dirt! i have literally been stepped on by these mean little women who pointedly behave as if i dont exist. these assholes are all supposedly "intelligent"--hell, they're employees of a state institution of higher education, and as far as i'm concerned, the last time i was treated so shabbily was backin junior high, when some genius took up writing bathroom-stall porn shorts starring yours truly....and at least then there was some 'evidence" (such as it was)....and ninth graders have an excuse. they're retarded adolescents. what's your excuses, folks??!! i'm serious. these people did all but run me outta school for the "crime" of being an A student who befriended her history teacher. nobody else even bothered to care about me as a person--i was all alone with no "support system"...and when finally my prayers were answered and somebody was willing to put in the extra effort and listen to me rant a bit--bam! instant witch trial. "quick, throw 'er in the water! see if she floats THAT BITCH!!"
grrr.....well, nuff social injustice rambling for the evening...it's five am so i suppose i oughtta be in bed Not Sleeping as usual.
love y'all, for without you i'm merely a scream in the proverbial bell-jar.

basic tenets of Monica-ism

the following is excerpted from my correspondence with someone who remains dear to my heart.....it came out nicely, i always thought, and so i kept it....my dear friend began to fear he'd get in trouble for continued association with the Likes of Me....he quit replying, which sucked the wind from my sails a bit; left me wondering about the state of humanity if all male-female associations MUST be seen as tawdry and cheap somehow.....but i'm a very patient girl, and i truly care for my friend, so i'm not about to second-guess his assessment of the situation by revealing his identity herein. i doubt very highly he'll ever know i posted this, anyway, but i try to respect others' wishes......but for the sake of my pride: I DID NOT, NOR DID I PLAN TO/WISH TO/HOPE TO JUMP HIS BONES. there, are we happy now?!! :)

Basic Tenets of Monica-ism.... 1. There is a whole shitload of stuff out there which we teenie-weenie humans can neither Know nor Percieve. We got no idea--can't begin to imagine all the stuff we'll never know, man. 2. Linear Time is an illusion which allows us all to function, but time doesn't exist objectively as we know it--what really IS goin on?? well, refer to #1. 3. The Workings of One's Brain are tantamount to a separate, Real Plane of Existence. 3A. What we consider to be Everyday Life interacting in the world is actually Everyday Life, as processed and presented within each individual's unique and separate Thought-Universe. 3B. The Netting which ties us to both the world and eachother can be said to exist within both these worlds simultaneously. Its thread comes in various forms, from Love to Learning to Objective Observation and beyond....the wider/more-diverse the net, the larger the inner universe, but the "net" itself is real. 4. Life is a naturally-self-balancing equasion, in all its aspects... (Unfortunately the Universal Equation is so large we can barely see any of it, let alone fathom its true nature....so we are left scraping up teasing "crumbs" of Clues which point to some totally-unimaginable HUGE Unity which we can only have a "feeling" is Really Real--and yet, if the Universal Equasion were a "problem", i'd bet anything that the True Solution would appear to be Deceptively Simple in its entirety--that's the thing with Truth and Growth--to know/see the thing in parts, it's Devilishly Complex, but to Understand and Comprehend the Whole, the Greater Picture, why it makes sense, somehow.) 5. The energy of our inner world is sometimes manifested in the outer world.... (in a myriad of different ways. Some are obvious: the person who is unhappy, morose, fat and alcoholic, for example.....Some can be more subtle: the person who always feels there's good in the world seems to get thru life alright, somehow....i guess "like brings like" eh?) 6. There is something within each living thing which is only borrowed and shall be recalled to the Great Universal Library upon its death.... (call this one a fervent hope. i hope so strongly that it hurts, blah!) Now, havin said all that, lemme tell ya a little Secret: i don't believe in ghosts, spirits, Squeegie Boards, Tarot Cards and Heebie-Geebies either...not as most Palm and Tea readers would explain em....i think ALL the biblical explanations of "goodenevil" crucifixes and holy water type crap are just that. but because i do believe people actually really see the stuff which popular myth labels Haunts, it's just quicker and easier to say "i believe in ghosts" than it is to say"well, i believe that people really see these things and that they are not merely some Defective Brain Functioning on their part but i think that rather than Poor Wayward Wandering Souls these phenomena are merely breaches in our Essentially-Flawed Human Perception of a Time-Space Continuum given Understandable Representation by our Brains" etc, every time anyone asks....know what i mean, now? as for Psychics Sooth-Sayers and the like, well, i don't wanna sound like i'm insulting Lady X or any of your friends, so please understand i would never speak about such things with personal connotations, but, well, i have never actually met a person claiming to be "psychic" who i felt like really Knew what was goin on.....the people i have met kinda dealt in trivializations.....i swear, this one lady wouldn't have known something Metaphysical if it pinched her pendulous posterior in passing.....but as i said, i am absolutely NOT sitting here assuming, passing personal judgment on You and Yours based on past "bad-apple" experiences of Mine....just a little whispered wise-ass aside, is all.... and when it comes to Interpersonal Connections, well, i feel like there's more sometimes than rational explanation's "coincidence" theory covers.....what is it? ah, Mystery, aint it a funny thing.....just when you think you've got your life all Neatly Ordered Up, Laid Out and Sorted Properly, WHEE!!, In Comes A FastBall! "Ponder THIS, Earth-Boy!" snickers Life, and the best any of us can do is duck, sneakin a peek from between face-shielding fingers as it slices wind overhead.....after it's gone, maybe you try to picture it in your mind's eye--"what the fuck WAS that?? was it even really ever here?" hm, or maybe it's just me....at any rate, it seems like there's always gonna be somethin which keeps me wonderin on the Interpersonal front, whether or not i actually ever went into the world desirous of finding such things.... and as for your dream, well that last little bit makes more sense, now--the feeling of isolation which comes with your situation, the fact that most people's minds are not broad enough to hold the information you might like to share, that they would look upon you unbelieving if you even tried to tell em the truth....not being listened to, once again.....hmm....also in a general way this relates to the life-experience of any highly-intelligent person who has accumulated a broad range of awareness across humanity's spectrum....being brilliant in multiple areas of intelligence is isolating, huh??! [Alter Egos: HAAAH!(howling laughter, rolling on floor) Me: cmon guys! i'm not as dumb as all that, yknow! Alter Egos: (stifled giggling, unrestrained hoots break thru) Me: know what, guys? if i WASNT so goddamned smart, y'all wouldn't even EXIST to Infernally Pester me in the first place, so how bout ya SHUT the FUCK up. Alter Egos: silence, worried looks....back to laughing again]
ooops, those losers--always crackin up at my claims to Giftedness....i tell ya....but geez, i just wrote a Jane Austin Novel, length-wise at least....hopefully this piece was more Interesting for you than Miss Austin was for me(though it WAS awhile ago, maybe now i wouldn't feel the need to skip every third page in pursuit of other more-interesting activities like i did back In The Day....hmm) happy weekend, Mister R, dear!
ps-- i've had PLenty of Visionary-Interpretational Practice--don't forget, i devoted a good chunk of my life to ingesting psychedelic substances in as large quantities as i could muster up, passin em out to my friends....wandering around boston after dark, escorting a small Acid Tour Group was my vocation, playing shepherd-by-default(virtue of still bein stuck inside my brain after everyone else had left) ....nursed all sorts of different folks thru weird, initially-frightening apparitions etc...."no! don't stab the cat, we're NOT already dead here, man, put down the knife, gimme a hug, dude!" yknow..... best of luck amongst the dogs and devils at Pickerel School, my friend...don't get caught with yer nose in a comic book or a girlie mag when you SHOULD be readin the Handbook or somethin...ha, haha